Following will be an email I wrote as practice more than a year ago.
(Yes, I am bashing my own work because of how terrible it is)
WHY your #1 requirement for living is at stake
I know this might sound ridiculous, but DANGER is looming CLOSE!
Think of how much water people use…
And think of how many things people will be unable to do without water
Washing your car and your dishes, bathing and most importantly…
We all know the fact that humans can only survive 3 days without water
But drinking will be a COMMODITY in the coming decades not many will be able to AFFORD!
You can and have to act against it with THIS one device
The best thing about it is you don’t have to be a plumber to install it…
All you need is one hand and English skills
To SECURE your LIVELIHOOD in the coming drought season!
Don’t wait around too long, because the war for water is coming in HOT
Click the link to learn more about how to secure your #1 requirement for living
„If you want peace, prepare for war”
It looks like it was written by ChatGPT or another similar AI copywriter that doesn’t know WTF it’s talking about and only uses basic, factory-like copywriting principles that may or may not match the audience’s wants and desires.
Let’s see what my past eggshell-on-the-butt self did wrong
- Used too much bold and italic text that made the whole text oversaturated and unbearable to read. It basically screams “I’M SELLING TO YOU AND YOU SHOULD BELIEVE ME” , instead of gently agonizing pain points and guiding the audience to a solution.
- Used the all-too-familiar and monotone one sentence – one line formula popular with copywriters that makes reading the copy boring
- Didn’t do the lead part correctly and killed all the intrigue in the second row that he created with the headline by telling what the #1 requirement was out of the blue
But it has some good aspects that I think we shouldn’t go past:
Like the use of urgency, signifying how easy it is to use, and the connection of the CTA with the headline.
Speaking about headlines, I think it wouldn’t have been so bad if I hadn’t killed all the intrigue right off the bat in the second row. Why did I bring you this email from my rookie days, though? To shed some light on the fact that we’re constantly evolving and our final version is far, far away. If we practice and read every single day, learn from our mistakes, and apply what we learn then it’s only natural that our writing style will get better.
Success doesn’t come easy.
And it only comes to those who try.
To actually learn how to write emails, visit https://theprybar.com